There comes a point in a new relationship where the newness wears off, the wooing ends, and the real you comes out. It’s inevitable it will happen because really – can you hold that act for very long? It’s not a bad transition, per se, but eventually she will see all the nasty shit you do that ordinarily would mean you wouldn’t even have a shot at her. Here are 5 examples of the grossness you’re holding out on when courting that new woman.
We Pick Our Nose While Driving
I don’t know what it is about getting in the car the signals the body saying you are completely free to pick your nose here. You’re still in public, sort of, and people can still watch you, but it just seems so natural cleaning out your nose while going down the road. She doesn’t see this act at first because, lets face it, it’s nasty as hell.
We Cut Our Toenails Once A Year
Okay, once a year may be pushing it, but the cold months of the year means your socks and her legs are going to take a beating. If no one is going to see your feet then who cares if your big toenail increases your shoes a size; just be prepared to buy some extra socks. In a new relationship? Chances are you keep those nails nice a snug. No way are you keeping this girl if she sees your tree climbers early on.
We Fart For Sport
The saying “The best things in life are free” is referring to flatulence. Not only is breaking wind fun for guys, we like to find new and creative ways to let it go. If we’re not sticking a Bic to our ass in hopes of making a human flame thrower then we’re dropping a bomb under the covers and pulling them over her head. Let’s face it, these actions in the beginning would mean you would be lonely the rest of your life.
We NEVER Clean The Bathroom
Bathrooms are supposed to be nasty, after all you go in there to piss and shit in them. All the cleaning they really need is an occasional Lysol spray to clear out the bombs. That is unless you plan on bringing over your new woman. No way would you have a shot if she was forced to use the shitter in it’s normal state.
We Go Days Without Bathing…For Sport
Guys make a sport out of how long they can go in between baths/showers. We even joke about bathing only on Sundays. Yes if we have something to do or some place to go we’ll clean up, but give me a week with nothing to do and I’ll gladly let the grunge start building. Every guy (mostly) has a number of how many days they have gone before and will typically compare those numbers. What is yours? This obviously would not happen if you were courting a female…you simply wouldn’t stand a chance.
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All of the above, plus some. Peeing in the bathtub. Not wiping his butt. He doesn’t even have Soap in HIS bathroom. But the grossest thing, he blows his nose, not into a tissue, but in the air, and lets the snots land wherever they may. We don’t sleep in the same bedroom. He has his own bedroom, and there are snots all over the wall, the furniture, etc. Also, he sits on furniture butt-naked. Leaves poop marks on the chairs because he doesn’t wipe his butt properly.